Christmas Carol Parodies for Golfers
December 22, 2000
Best wishes for the holidays to you and yours!
In honor of the season, here are a few Christmas carol parodies for golfers that first ran in last year’s Christmas Eve column. Some traditions should be maintained, after all.
Hope you enjoy them!
AWAY IN A BUNKER
(As sung to “Away in a Manger”)
Away in a bunker,
The little ball lay.
My tee shot went wide right,
Bad words did I say.
I looked at that golf ball
Down where it did lay,
It looked like a fried egg.
A safe shot? “No way.”
The caddie was laughing,
My partners just smiled.
They knew that my trap shots
Were weak or too wild.
I swung with my sand wedge
The sand it did fly
The ball popped up also,
And rolled by my side.
I need some real guidance,
I need some help quick.
I can’t play this shot, so
I’m writing St. Nick.
PUTTING WOES
(As sung to “Silent Night”)
Putt-ing woes!
Putt-ing woes!
Not all’s calm
Not all’s bright.
After three tries
I’m fit to be tied,
The first two short, and
The last one, just wide.
Make this fo-urth putt please, please
Ma-ke this fo-urth putt, please.
THE PRO SHOP
(As sung to “Silver Bells”)
See the pro shop,
Busy pro shop,
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there’s a feeling of Christmas.
Golfers laughing,
Players putting,
Buying clubs with a smile.
And at ev’ry sales counter you hear:
CHORUS:
Silver bells, silver bells,
It’s Christmas time in the pro shop.
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring,
Cash registers sing all day.
CLUB PROS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH
(As sung to “Angels we have heard on high”)
Club pros we have heard on high,
Loudly shouting o’er the range
And their students in reply,
Harken to their anxious strains.
CHORUS:
Keep yo-ur head down,
Yo-ur head down,
Yo-ur head down, I said.
I’ll watch the ball for you.
Keep yo-ur head down,
Yo-ur head down,
Yo-ur head down, I said.
I will watch the ball for you.
WE THE CLUBS OF TITLEIST ARE
(The Infomercial Song)
(As sung to “We three kings of Orient are”)
We the clubs of Titleist are,
You will hit our Drivers so far,
Many lofts for you to choose from,
Following “Golf Talk Live.”
CHORUS:
O, clubs of wonder, clubs of might,
Clubs with special features bright,
Selling hope for your next tee shot,
Guide us to the perfect drive.
HERE WE COME A-GOLF-ING
(Sung to “Here we come a-caroling”)
Here we come a-golf-ing
Among the fairways green;
Here we come a-wandering,
No bad shots to be seen:
CHORUS:
Love and joy come to you,
And to you fun golfing too;
And God bless you and
Send you a happy New Year,
And God send you a happy New Year.
Short Putts
Last week General Motors announced that it was phasing out its Oldsmobile line of automobiles, after 103 years of production. On hearing this news, hundreds of thousands of golfers immediately thought, “What about The Scramble?”
Not to worry, at least not yet.
On December 13, 2000 Oldsmobile Scramble President Dick Garn issued the following statement:
I want to reassure everyone that despite this announcement, the Oldsmobile Scramble will continue to move forward in 2001. This announcement will not deter or set back the progress we have developed over the past 17 years in establishing the Oldsmobile Scramble as the world’s largest amateur golf tournament.
Oldsmobile will continue its commitment as the official car of The PGA of America and to the Oldsmobile Scramble.
PGA of America CEO Jim Awtrey, who represents thousands of club professionals, also said he expects to work with GM Eventworks during the next year to “broaden the association” between his organization and other GM divisions.
Buick already provides extensive support to the PGA Tour, sponsoring four events during the year. Cadillac has long been identified with the Senior Tour.
If I had to guess, look for the Olds Scramble to be renamed either The Pontiac Scramble or The GM Scramble by this time next year.