I will have a Merry Christmas, if these golf gifts are not under the tree

Written by Fritz Schranck. Posted in Golf Column

December 5, 2014

Dear Santa:

This is the fourteenth year that we’ve had this special Christmas correspondence about our favorite sport.

Once again, however, and despite all good intentions, there are still a bunch of Christmas golf gifts I would really not like to receive.

I was a very good boy again this year, so if you could help me avoid these I would very much appreciate it.

For example, I’ve been testing out a new putter recently, so I don’t need my very own WOW Putter, sold by the folks at GolfFun.net for $59.95.

The club comes with an attached measuring tape, a compass, a level, and a horn that’s attached to the club shaft. To make matters worse (if that’s possible), it also has a lucky rabbit’s foot.

The ad copy says it is “everything you ever wanted in a putter… and more!”–and they were right, especially the more part.

I would also like to not receive a pair of Golf Ball Party Sunglasses, even if you can buy a 60-piece caseload of them at eroswholesale.com for only $177.00.

One of the websites offering these admittedly “outrageous sunglasses” says they will “add a new dimension to your game.”

I just don’t think this is a dimension I would like to enter, under any circumstances.

As you know, I like Titleist NXT Tour golf balls, and would be glad to find a dozen under my Christmas tree. On the other hand, I would not want to see a box of Goofy Smiley golf balls sitting next to them.

Sold through Amazon.com, the people marketing these bright yellow balls suggest that my “golfing buddies will be rolling in laughter.”

I think they’re probably right, but the laughter would be at my complete expense.

No thanks.

If I was a golfer who lived in Colorado, I might possibly be interested in the Rasta Man club head cover, also available through Amazon.com.

At $24.99 apiece, this knitted cover fits over 460cc drivers, but the ad copy doesn’t say if there’s any extra space left over for a special brownie snack out on the course.

But since I live in Delaware, where special brownies are still illegal, this little guy doesn’t do it for me.

The several lady golfers I know would probably not be all that interested in replacing their entire golfing equipment ensemble with the Hello Kitty Complete Golf Set.

They all like a sale, so the fact that the original $799 list price is marked down to “only” $412.65 at Amazon.com might be intriguing at first.

Once they see these brightly colored clubs, bag, and head covers, however, no amount of discounting would convince my women golfer buddies to switch to this set.

And for the record, I’m not interested, either.

I’ve been a longtime user of a three-wheeled golf cart on the Rookery golf courses, and I know folks have tried to encourage this ecologically sensitive approach to playing golf, compared to powered carts.

That said, I wasn’t surprised to find out that the Bicycle Golf Caddy seems to have been discontinued, although it may still be available on eBay.

The folks who created it apparently thought that attaching a two-wheeled golf cart to a bicycle was a “green solution,” while also providing “a little exercise,” all for $189.95.

What they seem to have forgotten is what a golf course superintendent might say about the meandering ruts of thin bicycle tires on otherwise smooth fairways.

As soon as greens keepers put up Stay on Cart Path signs, the market for this item disappeared—and with good reason.

And since I do like to walk, I’m fine with you not giving me the ’57 Old Car Custom Club Car Golf Cart, on sale for $7,850.95 at saferwholesale.com.

It’s a real electric golf cart, but I think the bright blue color scheme would clash with my regular golf outfits, don’t you think?

Thanks again for all you do, Santa, and say hi to the elves for me.

Your friend,

Fritz