The Christmas Golf Gift Avoidance List

Written by Fritz Schranck. Posted in Golf Column

December 6, 2013

Dear Santa,

We’ve had a long history together, especially when it comes to golf and Christmas.

Every year seems to bring with it more golf-related gifts that I would rather not receive–so I appreciate anything you can do to make that happen.

The 2013 collection of the deeply unwished-for includes a few golf club head covers. For example, I know there are a lot of Ricky Fowler fans out there. The young PGA Tour pro has a lot going for him, but his taste in golf fashion does not match mine.

So, it shouldn’t surprise you that I would not like to have a Puma Cat baseball cap headcover.

Available at TGW.com, this cover fits all metalwoods, and is on sale for $21.97, down from the usual $39.99. I admit that this hat looks just like something Fowler would wear. That is my point, exactly.

Another cover is a bit troubling. I like Masters Champion Bubba Watson a lot, but that doesn’t mean I would like to carry around the golf course something that supposedly looks just like him.

Selling at TGW.com for $36.95, this Bubba head cover has an authentic sheep skin interior, guaranteed to fit over today’s drivers, whether they have a pink shaft or not. What I worry about is where that club shaft is supposed to “go” when this cover is used, if you can see what I mean.

I have a different reason for not being so keen on receiving my very own Yoda Star Wars head cover, even it only costs $26.95 at TGW.com right now.

Take a look at that face. Doesn’t it remind you of someone I’ve played golf with out at The Rookery?

Oddly familiar this old man is, yes.

Now, about ball markers. I have a bunch of them, mostly souvenirs of the golf courses I’ve played for the last 30 years.

So you can imagine that I might not be interested in adding any more “Bling to my game.” However, the folks at Navika suggest that this is exactly what will happen if I use one of their Kiss My Putt markers, complete with magnetic hat clip, available at TGW.com for $9.95.

I tend to doubt this.

Golfers are also notorious for their touching but hopelessly naïve in any alleged improvement in golf technology. What bugs me about this is how easily the golf companies can combine this fact with nostalgia for past good times.

Take these Zero Friction Collegiate Performance Golf Tees, for example, on sale at $9.95 for a box of 50 at TGW.com. Made of “eco-friendly biocomposite materials”, the makers suggest that the “Patented 3-prong top reduces contact area between tee and ball by 66% leading to longer, straighter drives.”

If one of my playing partners superglued a golf tee to my golf ball while I was distracted, I could see how it would have some friction-based effect on my drives.

Otherwise, I think I will stick to using the completely free and frictionless, left-behind tees that I find at The Rookery North every time I play. I will never have to buy another golf tee, ever again.

I already received an unusual golf gift this year for my birthday, so you can cross this one off the list.

It’s a small Golf Tote Bag, complete with fetching golf-related stitchery on the sides. Our friends found it at the Conleys Chapel thrift store, which is a great place for all kinds of stuff, by the way.

Our friends then made this tote bag special by stuffing it with a bottle of Gosling’s Black Seal Rum and a six-pack of Barritt’s Ginger Beer, knowing how much I like a Dark-n-Stormy after my rounds.

These are good friends.

And thanks again for your thoughtfulness this year, Santa.

Say hi to the elves and Mrs. Santa for me.

Your pal,

Fritz